From the COUNSELOR’S chair
Counselling ulthm
Often people feel inadequate and guilty when things go wrong in their lives. What if they had some help along the way? Sabnum Dharamsi describes the process of Islamic counselling
veryone goes through ups and downs in life. When we are stuck, struggling with a relationship or making sense of a loss, sometimes we can get through on our own, but there will be times when we need help from others. Physical pain can seem easier to deal with and accept than pain that comes from the inside. There is a general misconception that things have to get really bad before we address the problem, as if once you go down this road you have acknowledged there is a problem and then it is hard to back out. We can be really hard on ourselves, feeling that if we had prayed enough then bad things wouldn’t have happened to us. We can even be hard on people who seek help, as if it’s a crime.
Life is a journey, and we were created in toil (Qur’an 90:4), so there are bound to be heartaches and temptations, regrets as well as leaps of happiness. It’s through life’s challenges that we mature, God willing, to a greater understanding of true contentment. But sometimes keeping quiet is not right. As the Prophets) said, tie your camel and then trust in God.
What is counselling? Counselling is a therapy and the word therapy originally comes from the ancient Greek therapeia, meaning divine grace. This reminds us that to seek help or to help another to do so is a beautiful and healthy thing to do. Islamic Counselling is a spiritual model of healing the human heart, based on the Qur’an and Prophetic traditions. There are many ways to heal the heart, and counselling, sometimes known as psychotherapy, is one of them. One can say that the development of Islamic Counselling begun with the Holy Qur’an and the embodiment of its teachings in the humanity of the Prophet Muhammad(s). Islam places strong emphasis on inward reflection. When the Qur’an says”; In the earth are signs for those who have
conviction and in your souls [as well]. Will you not then perceive?”(51:20-21), it’s mind-blowing! And we are guided again and again, to focus on purification of the heart (26:89). These, and many other verses in the Qur’an, are the foundation for a rich vein of knowledge within Islam, known as nafsiyyat, the science of the self. You can find many individuals offering different models and understandings of Islamic Counselling. There are Muslims who offer western models of counselling which are faith sensitive and culturally competent. However there are those who offer western-based models of counselling but also incorporate prayer and supplications within their sessions, services which are based on tibb medicine (ancient natural treatment) and those who base their counselling on the teachings of tasawwuf (the inner
wisdom of Islam).
I remember in the 1990s when together with a colleague I set up the first accred-ited Islamic Counselling ‘Raining in the UK in the hope of developing a model that wasn’t about aping Western tradi-tions of counselling, but embodying the profound teachings of Islamic tradition at its core. Already practising counsel-lors, we were inspired by teachings from the tradition of tasawwuf, and discov-ered how transformative these were.
Not all models of counselling are concerned with that spiritual aspect of human being, but as the Qur’an says, “those who have faith, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of God.’ Look! The hearts find rest in God’s remembrance!” (13:28). People enter counselling for different reasons; they should all feel safe to
explore their thoughts and feelings. And that’s the point – if it’s important to you, it matters. In counselling, a person’s emotional safety is important – and a big part of that comes from confidentiality. The word confidentiality means ‘with faith’. The Arabic word amana is very similar -it means a trust, which is rooted in iman or faith. ‘Safe’ also means trustworthy. A counsellor is someone who doesn’t have an axe to grind and as h/she is not a family member, the patient does not feel the need to keep sensitive things private. Islamic counsellors are not scholars who will instruct patients in Islam -their role is to work with patients in the depth of who they are, through valuing their hearts and what God puts in front of them.
Often we desperately want advice, not just to listen, and yet even then, what is most needed is to work out the right questions and see things differently. Counsellors will work with you to help you work out the answers for you in your own life, and they do this by emptying their hearts and being with you, rather than bombarding you with sympathy or their own solutions. In this way you find your way, the one your heart knows! Answers for your life come from within, by God’s Grace, not someone else. This is not to say that advice, especially from a trusted companion, isn’t useful – it can be. But you have to be in a place to hear…and what is more, we often find it hard to open up, perhaps because we’ve been judged before, or been given advice that we already know. God tells us in the Qur’an that he wants to lighten for us our difficulties, for we’ve been created weak (4:28). It means that He intends for us to be imperfect, to make mistakes and learn from them, and long for His Forgiveness and Perfection.
Wisdom – life learning – comes not from someone telling us the answers, but from our journey, perhaps with a trusted counsellor to hold up a mirror so we can see ourselves clearly and compassionately. Usually the first session of counselling is to see if this is right for you. In this session they’ll listen with their heart and without judgement, to hear what-ever is going on, good, bad or uncertain. They aim to see and bring out the best in you, and they give you the space in which to be sad or angry, hateful or scared. Maybe they will remind you of your inner truth when you feel unclear. One thing is certain; being part of a strong Muslim community we should take action and get the help if and when we need it.•
Sabnum Dharamsi is a therapist and co-founder of Islamic Counselling raining. www.islamiccounselling.info